Here's what happened - I was writing a book about fame, and then my mother-in-law died. 24 hours later, I was in Baltimore, shoveling dirt onto her grave after prayers in Hebrew. For a black Baptist, this was surreal, beautiful and moving, and it started me wondering about all of the ways in which we grieve in this country. How much of the process is based on our race, religion, geographical location, age or just how much we like our families?
I think there's a book in this - but first I need a random sampling from a varied group of people - this would be you. Below is a survey about how you mourn in your family, your culture or town. I want to know how you feel about those practices, and those of other cultures you have observed. What was useful? What was not? How would you like to be mourned?
Here's the survey: You can answer it my emailing me, or commenting. I'd prefer the comments, unless there is information you don't want to share. I would love to start a dialogue. It's not a fun topic (well, it often is in my family) but it should be informative.
Thank you for doing this.
I am not sure yet what shape this is going to take, but I know that I will not use anybody's quotes or names without permission. Please feel free to send your answers just to me, rather than "Reply All," if you wish.
And just wanted to clarify that this is a project I am pursuing apart from the Palm Beach Post.
And take your time - no rush. Answer these in as much detail - or not -as you are comfortable with.
Thank you!
Age:
Gender:
Where did you grow up?"
With what ethnic or cultural group do you identify?:
What faith, if any, were you raised in?:
If you were raised in a faith, do you still practice it? And if not, what faith, if any, do you practice?
How many funerals have you been to in your life? At what age did you attend your first funeral?
Was that funeral for someone within your faith or ethnic group? Have you ever attended a funeral, or participated in the mourning ritual, of someone outside of your group? If so, tell me about it.
Describe the typical mourning rituals you have observed, particularly those in your family. Is there a set time between the death and burial? What happens when? Is there a set period of mourning, and is it set by religious, ethnic or geographical factors?
Have you ever been to an open casket funeral? Tell me what you think of them?
How much emotion is shown at your typical family funeral (for instance, my family has their share of "That time Aunt So-And-So tried to drag Uncle What's His Name out of the casket" stories.
What place do the following factors have in your family or cultural mourning process:
- Food
- Music
- Family participation
- God
- Crying
- Visitation
- Flowers, caterers, funeral homes or other businesses that your family may have cultivated a relationship over time
What is the funniest thing you've observed at a funeral or during mourning?
The saddest?
The weirdest or most confrontational?
Have you been to a funeral, or witnessed a period or mourning, where some dramatic guest showed up (ie: An estranged relative, an ex, a former friend who did the deceased wrong). Believe me, I've got stories.
How would you like to be mourned?
